A Nobody's Christmas Carol
by The All Real Numbers Symbol
Summary: Demyx and Roxas are bored, so they bother Axel to tell them a story. So Axel tells them 'A Christmas Carol', KH style!


**Dial R 4 Infinity Productions**

**presents**

**A Nobody's Christmas Carol**

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**T.A.R.N.S.:** Okay, before we get started, two things:

I know Ansem the Wise and DiZ are the same person, but that was about the only way I could make the fic work. Don't send reviews saying, 'Ansem the Wise and DiZ are the same person.' I know that.

When I started writing this, I had seen two different parody versions of Charles Dickens' A Christmas Carol. So between those two and Wikipedia, a lot of weird things are going on in this fic.

**Special thanks to Wikipedia.**

**Disclaimer:** Maybe, if I ask really nicely, Santee Claus will give me Organization XIII for Christmas.

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"Hey Axel!"

"Oh no." Axel, who had been sitting at his desk, rolled his eyes heavenward.

Roxas and Demyx burst into his room a minute later. "Axel, tell us a story." Demyx demanded.

Axel blinked. "What?"

"A Christmas story. I was researching Christmas, and they have this story called 'A Christmas Carol.' So I went and bothered Superior about it, and he said that I should ask you about." Demyx explained.

"And I'm here because I'm bored." Roxas volunteered.

Axel sighed and tapped his forehead for a moment, before he remembered the story. "Okay, here goes."

"_Once upon a time, in a land called Twilight Town, the lived a bitter, stingy, and somewhat evil person named Xemnas. Xemnas loved hearts, and made it his business to collect hearts."_

"Wait." Demyx interrupted. "I thought that hearts were those things that gave us emotions."

"There are, but in this story, they're used as money, little heart-shaped coins. Got it memorized?" Axel asked.

"Why are you using Xemnas as the main character?" Roxas asked.

Axel sweatdropped like an Anime character. "Just sit down and pay attention." he said.

Roxas and Demyx sat down on the bed, and Axel continued.

"Now where was I? Oh yeah.

_Xemnas loved hearts, and made it his business to collect them. _

Xemnas walked down the street towards his shop. "Merry Christmas!" A random bystander called.

"Bah humbug!" Xemnas replied.

Xemnas entered the shop and found his hired underling already at work.

"Merry Christmas, sir." Sora said.

Xemnas swung around and faced his overworked underpaid employee. "Forget Christmas and get to work!"

Sora looked confused. "But I'm already working."

Xemnas sniffed and went back to his desk to resume counting hearts. The two worked quietly for several minutes, until Riku came in.

"Merry Christmas Uncle Xemnas!" Riku said. "Tifa and I were wondering if you were coming by tomorrow for Christmas dinner."

Xemnas spent exactly three seconds thinking it over. "No."

"Are you sure?" Riku asked. "I mean, we're going to have a feast, and…"

By this time, Xemnas had his nephew by the shoulders was shoving him out the door.

"I don't lose work because of a holiday." Xemnas told Riku, and then he turned and went back to his desk.

Shaking his head, Riku picked himself up and brushed the snow off his clothes, then turned and walked away.

A few more minutes passed, and then Sora could see two girls come up the steps. A moment later, they came into the building.

"Hi," the first one chirped. "I'm Yuffie, and this is Aerith. We're collecting hearts for poor people, so they can have a nice Christmas. Will you donate?"

"Isn't there already a plan to help those kinds of people?" Xemnas asked as he came over to where they were standing.

"Do you know what the government wants people on that plan to do?" Aerith asked. "People say they'd rather die than go on that plan."

"So let them die. They can decrease the surplus population." Xemnas replied.

"Oohh…" In a fit of anger, Yuffie pulled out her Shuriken and whacked Xemnas over the head with the flat side of it. "C'mon, Aerith," She said to her friend. "Let's go."

Aerith quickly left, and Yuffie stormed out a moment later, slamming the door behind her.

It wasn't until the end of the day that Sora found the courage to approach his boss. "Umm… sir, I was wondering if I could have tomorrow off?"

Xemnas had been logging something in his book, but now he stopped writing. "Tomorrow off?" he repeated.

"Yes. I mean it is Christmas and…"

"Oh fine." Xemnas slammed the book shut. "But on the day after Christmas you'd better be in here earlier than normal!"

"Thank you, sir!" Sora said. He grabbed his coat and Keyblade and raced out the door.

Xemnas closed up shop and set out for his home, a formerly abandoned town house where his late business partner used to live. As he unlocked the door, he noticed that the door knocker was starting to look suspiciously like his old partner. Shrugging it off, he punched the knocker. It reverted back to normal, and Xemnas entered the house.

He was enjoying some cheese and fruit when he heard something on the stairs. It almost sounded like someone was dragging chains up the stairs. Xemnas stopped chewing and listened for a moment, but he heard nothing more, so he resumed eating.

"Xemnas!"

Xemnas looked over at the stair landing and saw his old partner. He had unearthly glow around him, and had heavy-looking chains hanging off him, but it certainly looked like…

"Saix?" Xemnas asked.

Saix rested braced his hands on his legs for a moment. "I forgot how many stairs are in this building. Yes, I am Saix." Saix assured Xemnas as he stood up straight. "And why'd you punch me in the face back there?"

"That was you?"

"As a matter of fact, no, it wasn't me. It was Xaldin. Of course it was me." Saix spat. "I've retuned to this life as a ghost, doomed to wander Twilight Town until…well, doomsday, helping people who I never even cared to think about while I was alive. I've come to warn you. You see these chains?" Saix indicated the chains he was wearing.

"I forged these chains while I was alive, and you are forging yours now. The fact is, at the rate you're going; your chains will be longer than mine!

"You'll have a chance to escape this fate." Saix continued. "Tonight you will be visited by three spirits. Pay close attention to what they tell you, or you'll never rest in peace."

Saix turned and went back down the stairs, but a moment later Xemnas could hear something fall down the remaining three flights of stairs.

**XXX**

Later that night, Xemnas was lying in bed and trying to brush Saix' appearance off as a hallucination. Finally he was did, and was able to fall asleep.

As the church bell began toll, a strange white light began to take shape in his room. Finally, it turned into a blonde girl wearing a white dress. She pulled a Chinese gong out of hammerspace and banged it.

"What the!" Xemnas sat bolt upright in bed, then turned and saw the spirit. "Who are you?" He demanded.

"I am Namine." The girl said. "I am the ghost of Christmas past. I'm going to show events from your past."

Xemnas considered this a moment, then laid back down.

Namine grabbed him by the hand and pulled him out of bed and over to the window. Xemnas stood up. "Are we going to fly out this window?" he asked.

Namine stared at him, a shocked look on her face. "No way. I can't fly. What are you trying to do, kill me?"

"Aren't you already dead?"

"Well, yes…but that's beside the point." Namine pulled a sketchbook out of hammerspace and started to draw. As she did, the scene around them shifted and changed, and they were standing on a snowy street next to a house.

Xemnas pressed his face to the window. "Why, it's the home of Ansem the Wise, my old mentor."

Inside the house, a younger Xemnas was sitting against the wall. In the rest of the room, a Christmas Party was going full swing. Xemnas watched the others enjoy themselves. Then Ansem the Wise came over to where he was sitting.

"What's the matter, Xemnas?" You seem down." Ansem stated.

"Christmas has always been a time of bad memories for me." The younger Xemnas explained. "When I was away at boarding school my father never let me come home, not even on Christmas, except for the one year, and then it was only because my sister, the only one who had ever truly cared for me, had died."

"Truly sad," Ansem agreed. "But now is the time to begin forging new memories."

Xemnas looked up and saw a blonde girl looking at him.

"Her name is Larxene." Ansem told him. "And if I'm not mistaken, she would like to dance with you."

Xemnas stood up and went to join Larxene. Ansem smiled to himself as he went off to mingle with the guests.

"That was your first contact with true love." Namine said. "But then you left your mentor and started your business, and all that changed. Namine drew another picture in her sketchbook, and the scene changed again.

They were now standing outside the building where Xemnas had first began his business. Inside they could see Xemnas sitting at his desk, surrounded by stacks of hearts. Larxene entered the building a moment later.

"Xemnas, I just came to tell you, I'm calling this wedding off. It's taken me awhile, but I've come to the conclusion that you care for hearts more than you care for me." She turned and headed for the door. "I'd say I'm sorry, but I'm not."

"You loved hearts more than you loved that girl." Namine continued. "And it was to your own loss." Namine drew another picture in her sketchbook, and the two of them reappeared back in Xemnas' house.

"That's nice and all, but it is the past and I don't really care." Xemnas said.

Namine closed her sketchbook. "Maybe the other spirits to get it through your head. My work here is done." She turned and walked away, fading into a flash of white light.

Convinced that he was either insane or hallucinating, gave up trying to figure it out and went to sleep.

"_The clock was just striking one when Xemnas awoke to the sound of sleigh bells…inside his house_." Axel narrated.

"Wait, wait!" Demyx raised his hand. "How do you know that?"

Axel scratched the side of his head. "I'm the narrator. I know everything that happens in the story. Now can I please continue?"

Demyx and Roxas both nodded. Axel cleared his throat and went on.

_The clock was just striking one when Xemnas woke to the sound of sleigh bells…inside his house._

"Now what?!" Xemnas sat up in bed and saw… a mouse. But not just any mouse. This was Mickey Mouse.

"Who are you?" Xemnas demanded.

"I am the Ghost of Christmas Present." Mickey said. "I'm going to show you how your nephew and your underpaid employee are celebrating this Christmas." Mickey snapped his fingers, and an instant later the two of them reappeared in front of Riku's house.

Stepping into the room, they could see Riku, Tifa, Luxord, Zexion, and Vexen. The four men where sitting at the table playing cards.

"Well, it's been another very merry Christmas." Riku said wryly.

"Your Christmas party is wonderful, as it always is, but do you have any family, or do you really have to have us come here and play cards with you do you and Tifa aren't alone?" Luxord asked as he drew another card from the pile.

"This is the traditional after Christmas party card game. But yes, I do have a relative; my Uncle Xemnas." Riku admitted.

"Xemnas is your Uncle?" Vexen asked as he threw down his cards and raked in his winnings. "You poor unfortunate soul."

"Is he obsessed with hearts?" Zexion asked.

There was a general snicker around the table.

"Now, gentlemen," Riku began.

"No really." Luxord said as he shuffled and dealt the cards. "If I were you, I'd move away and _not_ leave a forwarding address."

"Get real, Luxford." Riku said as he picked up the cards. "He's not as bad as you think, and there is still a chance that he might change."

"He still believes in me." Xemnas said.

"He never gave up." Mickey replied.

The scene shifted and changed, and they were standing in front of Sora's house.

"This is the home of your underpaid employee." Mickey told him.

Inside the house, a fire was snapping on the hearth, and a little chicken was being roast on a spit.

"Surely they have more than that." Xemnas said. But Mickey just shook his head.

As they watched, a young woman with red hair came to check the chicken. She then turned to Sora, who had also come into the room, and asked, "Are we ready to eat?"

Sora nodded as the whole family gathered around the table. There was Sora and Kairi, and their two children, and Sora's Uncle Merlin.

A limping down the stairs, was Sora and Kairi's youngest son, (A/N: Like you didn't see _this_ coming) Tiny Tim.

Sora picked the boy up and set him down in his chair. The two shared a smile, and Sora returned to his seat at the head of the table.

"What's the matter with the kid?" Xemnas asked.

"He's crippled." Mickey said.

In a moment of unusual caring, Xemnas asked, "What's going to happen to the kid?"

Mickey was silent for a long moment, then he answered, "If things continue as they are now, I see an empty chair at the table, and a crutch without an owner. But that shouldn't bother you. You yourself said that poor people where better off dead."

_Flashback_

"_I'm Yuffie, and this is Aerith. We're collecting hearts for poor people, so they can have a nice Christmas. Will you donate?"_

"_Isn't there already a plan to help those kinds of people?" Xemnas asked as he came over to where they were standing._

"_Do you know what the government wants people on that plan to do?" Aerith asked. "People say they'd rather die than go on that plan."_

"_So let them die. They can decrease the surplus population." Xemnas replied._

_End Flashback_

"Can that future be changed?" Xemnas asked.

But the street was silent and empty, and the Ghost of Christmas Present was gone.

"Hello…Spirit?" Xemnas looked around. A convenient fog was starting to roll in, covering everything.

Suddenly Xemnas could hear footsteps. A moment later a man appeared out of the mist. He was wearing predominantly red robes, and his face was swathed in red bandages.

"Are you…are you the ghost of Christmas Future." Xemnas asked.

The specter nodded, then turned and walked back into the fog. Xemnas followed him.

A moment later, the two of them where standing in a cemetery. The figure (DiZ) pointed at a family standing in front of a grave.

Xemnas looked shocked as he recognized Sora and his family. Kairi was crying, and the two other children were quietly huddled against her.

Sora was standing by the headstone, tears streaming down his face as he clutched as single crutch to his chest.

Horrified, Xemnas looked at the specter, but there was no expression in what could be seen of his face.

Instead, DiZ turned and walked back into the mist, followed by Xemnas.

They reappeared on the main street of Twilight town a moment later. The fog was fading away, and the sun was shining.

Standing on the corner of the street where Vexen, Luxord, and Zexion.

"Well, it looks like Riku won't have to worry about his uncle after all." Luxord smirked.

Vexen huffed. "We got invited to the funeral. I hear that skinflint had that thing planned out years before he died."

"I'm not going." Zexion said.

"I'll go, but only if they provide lunch." Luxord laughed.

Still snickering, the three of them turned and walked away.

"What were they talking about?" Xemnas asked.

DiZ did not reply, but turned and walked down the street. Xemnas hurried to catch up with him.

DiZ stopped in front of a small house. Inside, a woman was sitting at the table, frantically looking over some interest notes. A moment later, a man entered the house. The woman looked up at him with panic in her eyes.

"Jim," She said. "We aren't going to make our next mortgage payment! And the lender said he'd foreclose if we didn't pay up! Where are we going to get 400 hearts by Thursday?!"

_"We don't have to worry about that anymore, Martha," Jim told her_.

"Hey, hold on!" Roxas interrupted. "Who are Jim and Martha?"

Axel blinked. "They're just people I made up for the story. Why am I even telling you two this story when you keep interrupting me?"

"Sorry." Roxas muttered contritely.

"We'll be quiet now." Demyx added.

Axel shook his head, then resumed the story.

"_We don't have to worry about that anymore, Martha," Jim told her. _

"Why ever not?" Martha asked.

"Because the heart-lender we borrowed from is dead." Jim said.

Martha smiled, and Jim burst out laughing.

"Now we don't have to worry about losing our home." Martha continued.

Outside, DiZ turned away from the window. Xemnas followed him.

"I don't get it." Xemnas said. "Who died? And why is everyone either laughing or relieved?"

Fog started to roll back in again, and when it cleared, Xemnas and DiZ where standing in another cemetery.

DiZ pointed at a snow-covered tombstone.

Xemnas stepped forward and brushed the snow off it until he could read the name: Xemnas.

"No!" Xemnas backed away from the grave. "Then I was…the one they were talking about."

DiZ nodded.

"Tell me this can be changed." Xemnas begged. He sank to his knees and grabbed DiZ' robes. "Tell me this can be changed."

Suddenly he fell onto his bed. Xemnas sat up and saw that he'd pulled the bed curtains down. "It was a dream?" He asked. He quickly felt himself. "It feels like I'm here."

He stood up and hurried to the window, which he opened.

On the street below, he saw a young man go walking by.

"You, lad! What day is it.?" Xemnas called.

"It's Christmas day!" He replied.

"What's your name?" Xemnas asked.

"Leon." The boy replied.

"Well Leon, is that turkey still in the store window, the biggest one they have?" Xemnas asked.

"Yeah." Leon answered.

"Good." Leon waited as Xemnas turned away from the window and reappeared a moment later with a bag of hearts.

"Do you know where Sora lives?" Xemnas asked.

"Yes." Leon replied.

"Good." Xemnas threw the coins to him. "Please buy that turkey and take it to Sora, anonymously, of course. Keep the change."

Leon picked up the little bag and hurried away.

Xemnas turned from the window and appeared on the street a moment later. "Now let's see, I wonder if my nephew would be willing to have another guest for his Christmas party."

Two blocks later, he almost ran into Yuffie and Aerith.

The instant she saw him, Yuffie pulled out her shuriken and warned him, "I still have my shuriken!"

"You won't be needing that." Xemnas told her. "Tell me, are you still collecting hearts for the poor?"

"Yes." Aerith said cautiously.

"Good. I want you to put me down for one thousand hearts."

Yuffie and Aerith stared at him. "A thousand hearts! Are you sure?" Yuffie asked.

"Of course I am." Xemnas told her. "I have a lot of back payments to catch up on. Merry Christmas!" With that, he turned and walked away, leaving a baffled Yuffie and Aerith starring after him.

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"_So Xemnas went to his nephew's Christmas party, and enjoyed it immensely. Sora and his family enjoyed their Christmas turkey. But the surprises for Sora continued into the next day_." Axel narrated.

Early in the morning on the day after Christmas, Sora arrived at work just a little later than usual.

Xemnas looked up from the book he was writing and glared at Sora.

"G-g-good morning, s-s-s-sir." Sora stuttered.

Xemnas spent another long minute looking at Sora, and then he uttered two words: "You're late."

"I-I'm sorry. I lost track of time." Sora said, dreading what he expected to come next.

Xemnas stood up and walked to the window. "You lost track of time. Well, that leaves me no other option," He walked back to his desk and sat back down. "But to give you a raise."

Sora stared at him.

Xemnas smiled. "Merry Christmas."

"_And so, Xemnas became a changed…er…Nobody, and was the better for his Christmas Eve experience. He became a kind a generous person, and a second father to Tiny Tim. Some people even said he embodied the spirit of Christmas. The End._" Axel finished.

"Wow." Roxas' eyes were big. "Did it really happen like that?"

Axel scratched the side of his head. "Well, something like that."

"Will tell us about how the Grinch stole Christmas next?" Demyx asked.

Axel twitched. "NO!" Then a thought occurred to him. "But I've heard it said that there's a lot of Christmas decorations stored somewhere in this castle. Why don't you go ask Saix about them? Maybe you can put them up."

"Neat!" Roxas and Demyx raced out of the room.

"Don't tell Saix you heard it from me." Axel called after them. He shook his head as he returned to writing.

In the kitchen of the Castle That Never Was, Larxene was making Christmas cookies. Savage Nymphs like sugar cookies too.

Demyx and Roxas were putting up Christmas trees.

Zexion was putting up the Christmas lights outside the castle.

And Axel was finishing addressing the semi-threatening Christmas cards.

Hey, even Nobodies like to celebrate Christmas.

It's the greatest time of year, and it's here

Help me celebrate it

With everybody here, friends so dear

Let me simply state it

Joy to the world and everyone

Lift up your hearts and feel the love

It's our favorite way, to spend the holiday

Yeah

-Aly & Aj, from the song 'Greatest Time of Year'

**Fin.**

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**T.A.R.N.S.:** Thirteen pages in Microsoft Word. Sweet! My longest oneshot ever! So what do the readers think? Was it good? Was it bad? Did it rot your brain?

**Nyoshi:** Brain Rot!

**T.A.R.N.S.:** o.O Nyoshi, have you been into the Christmas cookies?

**Nyoshi:** #wipes crumbs of nose# Maybe… But Yoshis love cookies!

**T.A.R.N.S.:** Anyway, please R&R!

_Merry Christmas from Nyoshi and The All Real Numbers Symbol!_


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